Addressing Adultery: The Perception of One Woman’s Story

Recently, I have had two very close friends announce that they are headed for divorce. They are both very close to me and it was hard for me to hear each couple’s story. Shortly there after, I had three friends go through devastating break ups. I would never judge them nor would I try to give them advice. The only thing that I can do is stand by their side and support their choices. Being a good friend starts with being a better listener.

I got some feedback from some friends about the “Sing Your Song” posted on January 6th and in the light of the recent events, I found another related article in this month’s Vogue entitled “Love’s Labour’s Won” and thought that I would share.  It is about a woman who pursued a relationship outside of her marriage and wanted to have an affair but didn’t. She was tired of the same mundane routine and needed to redefine herself. She lacked confidence and personal style, dowdy and lackluster. Craving change and new direction, she began her Master’s program increasing her social skills and appearance. She blossomed and grew as a result eventually seeking outside approval from a handsome young man in class.

She felt that if she didn’t have the affair, all would be lost and she would never feel this way again. Although she had pursued the man in the story, he respected her marriage and denied the advances by simply stating “because you are someone’s wife”. They never had a physical relationship of any sort and communicated mostly by email. She created a relationship in her head constantly obsessing about the greener pastures for months to come.

The beauty of this story was that in the end, she had turned to her best friend to help her out, her husband. She came clean and told him that she had fallen in love with another man, she was a wreck from the denial and needed him to help her pull it together. He knew her better than anyone ever has and she needed him to see it through for her. She never stopped loving her husband or her family and now she needed their support. Was she rebelling against the mundane routine? Had she lost her independence by focusing only on her kids and husband neglecting herself? Was it the the lack of reward from her successful career given up to raise her kids? Was she even seeking this new man or was she seeking a sense of renewed self? What ever her reason, he helped her through the mental anguish addressing her personal demons and saved the marriage.

I wrote this today for a very close friend who loves his wife unconditionally and recently asked for a woman’s perspective during this heartache and knows that the love is not dead just experiencing turmoil. I told him to listen to his heart and less to opinion. Remain open and honest, resisting the  fear of judgment . Fight for what you know is right and continue to love unconditionally and you will get your answer. Here’s to you my friend. I love you, support you and trust that you will see this through.

Reference article can be found in February’s issue of Vogue entitled “Love’s Labour’s Won” See below for reference siting.

Marcia DeSanctis. “Love’s Labour’s Won”. Vogue February 2010: 94-98.

Comments

  1. You bring up some good points…I’m curious to know what you would advise in my situation. I think my boyfriend could be having an affair, but I don’t have evidence. It’s more like I have a “gut feeling.” Should I confront him with my suspicions, or see about hiring a private investigator?

    • Hi There,

      Thank you for reading; I appreciate your support. In response to your inquiry, every situation is different and take ANY given advice with a grain of salt. You will always be the best judge and the only true trusted adviser as you are the one on the front lines. There is something to be said about personal instinct. Intuition can be a very powerful tool so if you feel something is not right, maybe it isn’t. The way you choose to approach the situation is a personal decision weighing in multiple factors. Be honest with yourself and answer will become clear.

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